“No, Mom, I’m Not in a Texas Prison,” and Other Updates of Note

If you believe my grandmother, I’m apparently writing this from behind the walls of a Texas prison. If you believe the GPS unit on my phone, I’m writing this from Grand Rapids. Where, oh were, could I be?

Texas Pokey?

Funny story. So last week, my mother calls and asks, point-blank: “Where are you?”

I was brutally honest in reply: “Well, I’m on my back porch right now, with a bit of grog and a cigar. Where are you?” 

To which, she burst out in laughter. Her own mother — St. Dorothy the Matriarch — had just called her upset because she had received a collect call from a Texas prison from someone whose muffled name may have sounded like “Jay.” Of course, granny didn’t accept the call that she feared may have come from her own flesh and blood. Instead, she hung up and called my mother to demand that she figure out where I was. My mother, ever the practical sort, dialed my cell phone. So although I do intend to visit the Metroplex at some point (perhaps this fall?) to see my friends from the Denton Dallas and Beyond podcast in their natural environment, I am not presently in the custody of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

So what’s up with the prison call? It’s a scam, of course.

Social Wrap-Up

Tidings of social merriment:

  • Last night, I enjoyed wine and cheese at Reserve with my friend Michelle. The server slipped me a note with the name of an online-only wine retailer that, in her view, makes the best “nerdy whites” on the market. I’ll have to check it out.
  • Friday was WriteOn. Writers and pizza and creative brainstorming, oh my! We even had the rare twofer of Cassidy plus AdamSmash.
  • Two Saturdays ago, I had cigars and cocktails with Brian and Mark. That was fun.
  • My new department at the hospital had an “un-birthday” party recently, to celebrate everyone’s 27th non-birthday all at the same time. We went to Ichiban and had sushi and assorted adult beverages. Mmm.
  • A few weeks ago I trekked to Lansing for a recording session with Tony that transformed into a dinner (at Gilbert & Blakes) and cigar (at The Corona) extravaganza with him and his lovely better half.
  • This coming Wednesday is the monthly Cigar and Cocktail Evening, to be held at 7 p.m. at Grand River Cigar. All are welcome, no RSVP required.

Writing Deliciousness

My writing group embarked on a year-long voyage of creative discovery through the development of Mechlanberg, a steampunk-type city for which we’re all collaborating on a series of short stories.  Each member of the group is responsible for one aspect of the city’s development. My assigned area is “crime and danger.” Every meeting, we discuss and rehash various aspects of how the world functions — its history, topography, culture, economy, etc. I’ve started writing a series of short stories based on the crime/danger paradigm through the eyes of a young girl named Elyse entering Mechlanberg from the desert to become a “firefly” (a member of a prostitute’s guild). I’m underplaying some of the more “out-there” aspects of Mechlanberg lore — like memory water and tentacle forests — to focus on a character-development story arc. If I keep doing one short story each month, and each builds on the last, then I’ll have developed a novella before NaNoWriMo ’13 kicks off. Not a bad accomplishment.

Read Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, if you wish. Be ye warned: They’re both in “first draft status” (thank you, Scrivener) and haven’t been edited for word choice, detail, etc. So they’re a bit rough.

Of Marathons and Half-Marathons and Iron Men

The plan, at present, is that Tony, Jen and I will compete in the Las Vegas Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in mid November. They’re thinking “half marathon,” which makes sense given everyone’s relative level of fitness. The event is one of only two times a year that The Strip shuts down to vehicular traffic (the other time is New Year’s Eve) and the run occurs at night so the lights of Las Vegas take pride of place.

There’s also the North Country Run, an event I just learned about and fully intend to attempt in 2014 (registration for 2013 has since closed). It’s a trail run — half, full or ultra — in Manistee National Forest, presumably along a segment of the North Country Trail. Apart from a brief loop on a semi-paved road, the entire race is conducted on the single-file foot trails of the forest and includes such features as roots to trip you up, mosquitoes to drain your blood and flags to guide you so you don’t accidentally run off-trail and get eaten by a bear. Sounds heavenly.

I’m still pondering a triathlon at some point. My cousin Callista completed an Ironman event last year and that’s just freaking awesome. She worked really hard at it, and I respect her for that. I just need to work on my biking skills a bit and re-learn how to swim without a tank on my back.

Isle Royale

… and speaking of the outdoors, it’s a 95-percent probable “go!” that I’ll be doing a backpacking trip to Isle Royale National Park in late May or early June. The expedition involves an eight-hour drive to Houghton, followed by a six-hour trek by boat to the island. Spend four nights on the trail, then return the same way. Scheduling isn’t final yet — I have to stagger it with other people’s vacations and a three-night training trip to Madison, WI, in May — but I have everything lined up for a peaceful trek in the Lake Superior backcountry, with just the island’s wolves and moose to keep me company.

The Fuzzies

Readers of this blog know that I don’t post a lot of pictures. No LOLcats, no funny pictures with meme-style overprint, no “look at me, I’m drunk in an exclusive club” selfies, no “look at my hippie dinner” Instagrams.

So here’s your exception:

 

Yes. I now have two cats. Long story, but they’re fabulous little critters who are perfectly litter trained, people-friendly and just all-around adorable. Even when they wake me up at 4 a.m., having decided in their feline wisdom that it’s time for me to get up and pet them.

Meow!

"No, Mom, I'm Not in a Texas Prison," and Other Updates of Note

If you believe my grandmother, I’m apparently writing this from behind the walls of a Texas prison. If you believe the GPS unit on my phone, I’m writing this from Grand Rapids. Where, oh were, could I be?
Texas Pokey?
Funny story. So last week, my mother calls and asks, point-blank: “Where are you?”
I was brutally honest in reply: “Well, I’m on my back porch right now, with a bit of grog and a cigar. Where are you?” 
To which, she burst out in laughter. Her own mother — St. Dorothy the Matriarch — had just called her upset because she had received a collect call from a Texas prison from someone whose muffled name may have sounded like “Jay.” Of course, granny didn’t accept the call that she feared may have come from her own flesh and blood. Instead, she hung up and called my mother to demand that she figure out where I was. My mother, ever the practical sort, dialed my cell phone. So although I do intend to visit the Metroplex at some point (perhaps this fall?) to see my friends from the Denton Dallas and Beyond podcast in their natural environment, I am not presently in the custody of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.
So what’s up with the prison call? It’s a scam, of course.
Social Wrap-Up
Tidings of social merriment:

  • Last night, I enjoyed wine and cheese at Reserve with my friend Michelle. The server slipped me a note with the name of an online-only wine retailer that, in her view, makes the best “nerdy whites” on the market. I’ll have to check it out.
  • Friday was WriteOn. Writers and pizza and creative brainstorming, oh my! We even had the rare twofer of Cassidy plus AdamSmash.
  • Two Saturdays ago, I had cigars and cocktails with Brian and Mark. That was fun.
  • My new department at the hospital had an “un-birthday” party recently, to celebrate everyone’s 27th non-birthday all at the same time. We went to Ichiban and had sushi and assorted adult beverages. Mmm.
  • A few weeks ago I trekked to Lansing for a recording session with Tony that transformed into a dinner (at Gilbert & Blakes) and cigar (at The Corona) extravaganza with him and his lovely better half.
  • This coming Wednesday is the monthly Cigar and Cocktail Evening, to be held at 7 p.m. at Grand River Cigar. All are welcome, no RSVP required.

Writing Deliciousness
My writing group embarked on a year-long voyage of creative discovery through the development of Mechlanberg, a steampunk-type city for which we’re all collaborating on a series of short stories.  Each member of the group is responsible for one aspect of the city’s development. My assigned area is “crime and danger.” Every meeting, we discuss and rehash various aspects of how the world functions — its history, topography, culture, economy, etc. I’ve started writing a series of short stories based on the crime/danger paradigm through the eyes of a young girl named Elyse entering Mechlanberg from the desert to become a “firefly” (a member of a prostitute’s guild). I’m underplaying some of the more “out-there” aspects of Mechlanberg lore — like memory water and tentacle forests — to focus on a character-development story arc. If I keep doing one short story each month, and each builds on the last, then I’ll have developed a novella before NaNoWriMo ’13 kicks off. Not a bad accomplishment.
Read Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, if you wish. Be ye warned: They’re both in “first draft status” (thank you, Scrivener) and haven’t been edited for word choice, detail, etc. So they’re a bit rough.
Of Marathons and Half-Marathons and Iron Men
The plan, at present, is that Tony, Jen and I will compete in the Las Vegas Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in mid November. They’re thinking “half marathon,” which makes sense given everyone’s relative level of fitness. The event is one of only two times a year that The Strip shuts down to vehicular traffic (the other time is New Year’s Eve) and the run occurs at night so the lights of Las Vegas take pride of place.
There’s also the North Country Run, an event I just learned about and fully intend to attempt in 2014 (registration for 2013 has since closed). It’s a trail run — half, full or ultra — in Manistee National Forest, presumably along a segment of the North Country Trail. Apart from a brief loop on a semi-paved road, the entire race is conducted on the single-file foot trails of the forest and includes such features as roots to trip you up, mosquitoes to drain your blood and flags to guide you so you don’t accidentally run off-trail and get eaten by a bear. Sounds heavenly.
I’m still pondering a triathlon at some point. My cousin Callista completed an Ironman event last year and that’s just freaking awesome. She worked really hard at it, and I respect her for that. I just need to work on my biking skills a bit and re-learn how to swim without a tank on my back.
Isle Royale
… and speaking of the outdoors, it’s a 95-percent probable “go!” that I’ll be doing a backpacking trip to Isle Royale National Park in late May or early June. The expedition involves an eight-hour drive to Houghton, followed by a six-hour trek by boat to the island. Spend four nights on the trail, then return the same way. Scheduling isn’t final yet — I have to stagger it with other people’s vacations and a three-night training trip to Madison, WI, in May — but I have everything lined up for a peaceful trek in the Lake Superior backcountry, with just the island’s wolves and moose to keep me company.
The Fuzzies
Readers of this blog know that I don’t post a lot of pictures. No LOLcats, no funny pictures with meme-style overprint, no “look at me, I’m drunk in an exclusive club” selfies, no “look at my hippie dinner” Instagrams.
So here’s your exception:
 
Yes. I now have two cats. Long story, but they’re fabulous little critters who are perfectly litter trained, people-friendly and just all-around adorable. Even when they wake me up at 4 a.m., having decided in their feline wisdom that it’s time for me to get up and pet them.
Meow!

Roads are for Drivers @MDOT_West

Today in sunny Grand Rapids our community enjoys an annual burst of athleticism known as the Grand Rapids Marathon. This event — snaking its way through the downtown area, along the river along Kent Trails — is good for Grand Rapids, good for public health and good for the local economy.

It’s not good, however, for drivers.

In recent years more and more events in the urban core require road closures. Sometimes these shutdowns are limited and reasonable; sometimes they’re not. The G.R. Marathon falls into the latter category.

I reside in the South Hill neighborhood, on the southern end of the near-downtown area. The city is divided by the Grand River and there are only a handful of bridges that connect downtown to the West Side. If you want to get to the upper West Side — Walker, for example — you can either take I-196 (good luck at the cloverleaf at US-131) or use the surface roads.

The major surface roads leading to the Upper west Side include Butterworth, Lake Michigan Drive, Fulton, Bridge and Leonard. That’s it; those are the feeder roads. Otherwise, you’d have to swing in from the southwest (via Wilson) or the north (the Ann/Alpine toward Three Mile area). So if you’re starting in the southeast part of downtown, or anywhere south of Fulton, you have several solid options of using the surface roads to get to the West Side.

Except, of course, when MOST OF THEM are closed because of a marathon.

You heard that right. Today, Butterworth, Lake Michigan Drive (via Pearl) and Fulton were closed to through traffic. The two northernmost surface roads, Bridge and Leonard, were clear; if you know the side streets of the lower West Side you could snake kitty-corner through the area after crossing the bridge on Pearl. I had to take Wealthy to Market, then Market to Bridge, to get to my destination that was near Butterworth.

So you might be thinking; Dude, why are you all crabby about a half-day road closure that happens once per year? Well, let me count the ways:

  1. There was no routing info available at the road-closed signs. You had to hop from road to road until you found one that was open. Note to the City and to MDOT: If you’re going to shut down major roads such that you’re effectively cleaving the city into two, at least provide alternative routing info. What if someone had an emergency?
  2. If it were just the marathon, that’s one thing. But it’s also parades, the Fifth Third Riverbank Run, Festival, blah, blah. Roads are for vehicular travel. We’ve seen too many closures, too often, in recent years.
  3. The City of Grand Rapids and Kent County seem hell-bent on shooting drivers in the foot with various left-wing harebrained schemes related to bike travel and public transportation. For example, Division Avenue — the one and only major north-south surface road cutting through the urban core — was put on a “road diet” last year; between Wealthy and Michigan, it’s been cut to one lane in each direction with a bike lane added. Guess what you don’t see? Cyclists on Division. But the Wealthy/Division intersection has led to me getting sideswiped more times than I can count because drivers aren’t expecting a major road with two lanes beginning around 84th Street to suddenly collapse to one lane right when you get downtown (where two lanes are the most needed). So they swerve to cut you off. Just like with the asinine two-lanes-feeding-one-lane-traffic-circle in place at Wealthy and Jefferson. Heaven help us if 131 ever shuts down and traffic has to reroute through side streets; Division is no longer equipped to handle the traffic, and there’s no obvious alternative route. (The special-interest boondoggle that is the Silver Line — with a dedicated bus lane — is a whole ‘nuther rant.)

Don’t misunderstand — I’m a fan of the Marathon. I’m a fan of major events, considered individually. But I’m not a fan of drivers more and more frequently taking it in the shorts because civic leaders transform our thoroughfares into parking lots at whim or treat our roads as the object of social engineering experiments.

Leave drivers alone.