I just returned from watching Stardust, a delightful fantasy film (still in theaters) about a star that falls to earth and — having taken human form — helps a young man find his true love, liberate his mother, and slay the evil witches.  The little shop boy even becomes a king in the end!

It was a cute family-type film.  I’m sort of a sucker for the fantasy genre, so YMMV.  That said, a premise of the film — that the thing we desire most may be hidden under our noses — did strike a chord of sorts. 

People nowadays really don’t take the opportunity to just slow down and savor the moment.  We rush from one commitment to the next, always in a hurry and rarely able to just focus enjoyment in the present.  Many of us retreat to “little things” that help keep us sane (for me, it’s long drives through the countryside, with the windows down and music blaring).

Case in point:  I’m on a four-day weekend.  And guess what?  I’ve been stressing about all the things I should be doing, but haven’t been.  Instead, I’ve been shopping, watching movies, putzing around on the Web, blogging from coffeeshops … and feeling guilty about it.  I keep thinking to myself, “Self, you need a vacation to unwind and relax” — as I’m on a four-day vacation to unwind and relax!

So, I’m going to waste today and tomorrow and I’m going to enjoy it.  The opportunity comes along too rarely to let it pass unappreciated, especially when it sits right under one’s nose.

For the rest of you … when you waste time, at least have the decency to not feel guilty about it. 🙂

I have it on good authority that the phrase “it dawned on me” may no longer be uttered by your gentle blogger.  🙂

One of the venerable classics of Western Civilization, the Mediations of Marcus Aurelius, begins with a series of short discourses on the life lessons he had learned from various people over the years.

It seems like there are a handful of aphorisms that I’ve come to learn either the hard way, or through the careful observation of others.  In the Aurelian spirit, then, I offer some of the ones that have crossed my mind of late, in no particular order:

1. No matter the circumstances or how difficult it may be to maintain readiness, always be prepared for any eventuality.  This point struck me very recently, as I faced the rare prospect of an unannounced drop-by visitor at home.  I wasn’t ready; the kitchen was a mess, and my clothing was not appropriate.  Of course, I dealt with it, yet — being ready takes work but pays off in the moment.
2. Most people are incapable of perceiving their own flaws.  A few of my friends and co-workers used to astonish me by their persistent refusal to acknowledge their weaknesses, until I came to understand that they simply didn’t see those weaknesses.  To me, the holes were glaring; to them, they were non-existent.  Which commends the practice of occasionally asking close friends for a critique, I suppose.
3. Power is best wielded with a light touch.  No one likes an asshole.  No one respects someone who lords power over others.  Yet, some can use power effectively while others cannot.  Those who are gentle in their approach and effective at communication tend to employ their authority most effectively.
4. Dedication trumps innate talent.  People who have talent are to be admired, but people whose hard work replicates talent are to be honored.  I have much more respect for someone who works hard for an A, than for someone who breezes through classes; the karate student whose clean kata came through hours of practice and not through hereditary grace is the more inspiring; the person who spends hours in the gym building a stronger body is more worthy of admiration than the person who never hits the iron but was blessed by great genes.
5. People are motivated as much by a fear of success, as by a fear of failure.  I’m a case in point; failure can be psychologically accommodated as the mere result of failing to commit, but if you commit fully and fail anyway, it implies a limit to personal omnipotence.  And that can be crushing.  The arrogant fail to achieve, because achieving would prompt expectations for future success that, at some point, cannot be attained — and those expectations present barrier that usually cannot be surmounted.
6. The assertion of mere preference can be the most effective weapon for killing a relationship.  We all have our preferences, but when we use preference as a reason for confronting or doing harm to others, we present a trump card that is very difficult to overcome.  Not everyone will satisfy all of our preferences, but when we use preferences as a means of drawing distinctions, there really is no shared basis for discourse — and hence, a relationship breaks down for lack of shared meaning.
7. We all have our quirks; hiding them from the world merely increases our own unhappiness.  People have different faces that they show the world.  The very same person can be seen as a dedicated co-worker, a devoted spouse and father — and a kinky gay-sex fiend who revels in unprotected sex with random men in the park.  We don’t show one person all aspects of our personality, and much about ourselves we keep hidden, for sundry reasons.  The rationale for this may be quite compelling on a case-by-case basis, but in the aggregate, it tends to reinforce feelings of loneliness.
8. It is never legal to do the illegal.  Such was the oft-repeated counsel of my drivers-ed teacher.  And he had a point:  When you pass another car on the road, it’s not legal to exceed the speed limit when you drive by.  Put differently:  The intention to avoid harm doesn’t mean that we can be willfully ignorant of the possibility that what we do will nevertheless cause harm.
9. Unconditional love supplies a hidden premise that can make any irrational argument seem reasonable.  I often wondered how my mother could have rationalized a lot of what she had to deal with, when I was young.  Then I figured it out:  She loved her sons, and such love has a funny way of making the intolerable, tolerable, and the irrational, rational.  Call it a hidden premise, if you must, but there’s no denying its power.
10. Adults misunderstand the nature of a child’s fragility.  Too often, I see parents unintentionally heap emotional abuse on their children, yet work diligently to protect them from the “secular culture” of the world.  Adults try to shield children from sex, violence, and death — yet I suspect kids are better at dealing with those topics than adults will admit.  What children do need, and too often fail to receive, is validation, and the opportunity to socialize and be curious without fear of rejection or ridicule.
11. Sometimes, a life-altering decision can be cleverly disguised as a trivial, spur-of-the-moment choice.  I applied for grad school because I was bored one afternoon.  A careless letter to the editor led me to write for, and eventually edit, the Western Herald.  I joined the WMU student government because I decided not to screen an unknown caller who ended up asking me to attend a student-leadership conference.  I presented at a national conference because I took 10 minutes to submit an abstract one snowy February morning.  Opportnity doesn’t present itself with fireworks and large signs; often, it is merely one unremarkable choice taken on an unremarkable day.
12. For some, a monochrome life of psychological comfort and safety outweighs the more colorful life of struggle, achievement, and risk.  We all approach risk differently.  Some embrace it; others avoid it; others don’t plan well enough to do anything but react to it.  I’ve seen some people allow their aversion to psychological discomfort stop them from achieving their goals, but they also never really had to face bitter disappointment.  Comfort is seductive; it prompts us to seek the immediate gratification of stability.  Yet risk aversion is not without price; those who reject risk surely don’t experience the lows of failure and shame, but nor do they experience the highs of achievement and glory.  Is the price worth it?  Each must choose for himself.
13. Doers are happier than dreamers.  Too many around me, and too often, I myself, find contentment in unrealized aspiration.  We daydream about what could be, but we fail to achieve, and we tell ourselves that we could be happy, but for … whatever.  Others do, and achieve, and find a greater share of happiness.

I reserve the right to augment this list later. 🙂

A few items of interest:

1. My cousin Callista has now made her way to Madison to work on her M.A. in French.  I had a farewell lunch with her at Bistro Bella Vita on the day before she left.  She managed to talk me into taking yoga at the studio she had studied at for several years.  Classes begin in September.  Should be a good counterpoint to the flexibility training I’m getting indirectly through karate.
2. Speaking of which … Orange belt, check. 
3. I had a burst of self-improvement energy last week, the result of which was the initiation of piano lessons with a delightful Russian woman (classically trained at the master’s level in the Soviet Union!), and a meeting with the woman who will, in mid September, start my private voice lessons.  I love music, and regret having avoided serious study for so long.
4. I won re-election as the senior Great Lakes Senator in USGS.  But the margin was closer than it should have been.  Hobbies can be aggravating, sometimes.
5. I think Dawhn has talked me into getting a kitten or two.  We went to the Humane Society last Tuesday, and I saw plenty of adorable cats.  We’ll see.
6. Tony is now teaching an introductory course in political theory at Kalamazoo Valley Community College.  It’s been a lot of fun helping him put together his course notes and PowerPoint presentations.  He even humored me by letting me prepare a handout for his class on the historical evolution of political theory from Thucydides to Rawls. 
7. Had a delightful lunch yesterday with my mother, grandmother, and aunt Sue.  Sue was visiting from the far-off land of Indiana, where the corn is golden and all the children are superlative athletes.

In the early morning hours of July 8, Robert Kozminski, a 28-year-old police officer for the City of Grand Rapids, was killed from a shotgun blast to the head.  (Story, Grand Rapids Press).

I knew the man, vaguely.  His older brother, Andy, was in my class through the 8th grade, and his father was the coach of my junior-high basketball team.  Bobby was one year behind us at St. Anthony School, but except for occasional smiles at church, I lost track of the Kozminski family when they went to Kenowa Hills for high school and I moved on to West Catholic.

The funeral was held at our parish church, St. Anthony of Padua.  I was humbled to be asked to participate, as an extraordinary minister of Holy Communion for the funeral Mass. 

Officer Kozminski’s viewing was held in the nave of the church, for the three days prior to the funeral.  The sanctuary was filled with flowers, and GRPD officers in dress uniforms were a fixture at the church for a week. 

The funeral itself was a spectacle.  The formal honor guard escorting the casket and the family; the 75-minute “salute” of the visiting officers; the heartfelt words from a fellow officer, the mayor, and the chief of police; the presence of VIPs including the Grand Rapids city commission, at least one state senator, and Dick DeVos; the funeral Mass with three priests and two deacons, celebrated in the presence of the bishop — all of these things contributed to an air of solemnity that was marked, more than anything, by appropriateness.

It’s easy to take a tragic event like the shooting of a police officer and turn it into a sappy melodrama filled with crude hyperbole and staged emotion.  This funeral was different; it was solemn and dignified — spectacle, in the most honorable sense of the term.

My heartfelt prayers go out for Officer Kozminski, his family, and his colleagues in law enforcement.  He was a good man, taken too soon.  May he rest in peace.

I had to write a short list of personal life goals, as part of the “Lessons in Mindfulness” portion of martial-arts training.  The Zen side, I guess.  Here’s what I submitted:

1.       Resume formal lessons in organ and vocal performance

2.       Earn a black belt in early 2010, and continue study through the dan ranks

3.       Develop, and then work through, my own comprehensive list of the “great books”

4.       Obtain certification as a registered parliamentarian

5.       Earn a USPA A license (skydiving)

6.       Publish at least one article in a professional journal before the end of the year

7.       Complete M.A. in philosophy

8.       Visit Rome

9.       Learn German

10.   Get Six Sigma certification through the American Society for Quality

11.   Finally (!) launch Briefly Noted (a private business venture)

12.   Submit formal proposal for Ethics Department to hospital leadership

13.   Body shaping – increase muscle mass, especially upper-body, and maintain cardio capability

14.   Buy a live-aboard sailboat

15.   Visit each continent at least once before I’m 40

16.   Learn to scuba dive

17.   Finish old manuscript … at last

18.   Call or visit old friends at least six times per year

19.   Complete a survivalist course

20.   Make final decision on abdominoplasty by December

Interesting, what we value.

It takes a bit of time without home Internet service to appreciate just how essential network connectivity is to living a happy and productive life.  Checking e-mail and USGS from the office just doesn’t cut it.  Now that I’ve switched from Comcast cable service to AT&T DSL (which, believe it or not, netted me an increase in actual bandwidth — My 3MB DSL service gives me average downloads of 2.7MB, compared to roughly 720K for Comcast’s “6MB” service) all is again at peace with the world.

Of course, since it’s been three weeks since the last update, there are some obligatory additions to the Chronicle:

1. I went to the 12:05 a.m. showing of The Simpsons Movie with Tony, in Lansing, on opening day.  Well worth it!  The theater was crowded, but the film was superb, and Tony’s company (especially the part where we were pulled over by the police) was almost as amusing as Homer, Bart, and the clan.
2. On the subject of movies … I saw the latest Harry Potter flick with my mom, grandmother, aunt, and cousin.  Yet again, a charming film — and I eagerly ancitipate the final two, even though I can’t bear to read the books.
3. I marched in the Kentwood and the Byron Days parades for my dojo.  It’s kinda cool doing kata demonstrations in a parade — people really seem to enjoy it.  And you can really tell who is interested in supporting the dojo by seeing who attends.  On the bright side, both events allowed me a ride in a Mustang convertible — a shiny new 2007 model for the Kentwood parade, and a cherry-red 1965 model at Byron Days.
4. Tony, Emilie, Jon, and I met for our quarterly fine dining extravaganza in Lansing.  Tony brought us to the State Room, a little restaurant on the MSU campus.  Dinner was lovely, although Tony couldn’t stomach his apple brandy.  Then we went back to Tony’s apartment for hours and hours of fun and games (Wii and board games), although I’m not sure which is more hilarious — the games, or watching Emilie hate the games until she wins, at which point she considered the games fun in retrospect.
5. And on the Emilie/Jon topic … I received their wedding invitation in the mail a few weeks ago.  As expected, it was the height of elegance (she even had the envelopes sealed in wax).  I look forward to the ceremony and reception, almost as much as look forward to seeing whether Tony or I win our bet about when Emilie degenerates into Bridezilla.
6. We had a family picnic at Mary & Doug’s a few Sundays ago.  A very nice time, and it provided me with an excuse for wearing my pith helmet in public.  Much to my amusement, my little nephew Kyler (now 2-1/2 years old) wanted to climb into the branches of a willow tree.  So, I gently put him up there, and then I climbed up, too.  But Kyler was not amused; he looked at me very sternly, shook his head, and said (very deliberately), “Uncle Jay, get down!”  Several times.  It was cute, but you had to be there, I guess.
7. My cousin Callista, who will soon be departing to UW-Madison to begin graduate work in French, was also at the family picnic.  She really looks good; I guess her training for the Riverbank Run paid off!  It was actually a motivation to get back to the gym to return to my normal running routine, which was on temporary hiatus as my right sural nerve recovered from some unknown trauma.  Unfortunately, it’s use-it-or-lose-it when it comes to cardiopulmonary fitness, and it was clear I couldn’t just step back into my old routine cold-turkey.  Ugh.
8. I ran across the wedding site of former co-worker Adam Voigt.  The thought of Adam getting married makes me feel … really, really old.
9. Despite my very careful attention to proper stretching and warm-ups before working out or beginning a karate class, I managed to pull a muscle in my mid-back this morning.  How?  By rolling over in bed.  Some days, it just doesn’t pay to be me.  I might have to take up yoga or something.
10. Earlier this year, I was asked to stand for election to be the Publications Officer-Elect for the Quality and Productivity section of the American Statistical Association.  OK, cool.  At the last minute, though, a statistician eminently more qualified than I applied to the ballot, and quite appropriately, she won.  Then she declined the office, so I was appointed to the job by the section chair.  This should prove to be an interesting professional opportunity.
11. Work has been interesting.  My division, by the stroke of a VP’s pen, was dissolved.  We’re in a period of uncertainty as to what will happen next (although there’s no risk of unemployment … just concern about where our boxes will land).  On top of that, we’re in the meat-and-potatoes phase of building our comprehensive performance analysis and improvement plan, which is the end result of what I’ve been working toward for the last few years.  The timing is a bitch, though — just as we’re getting our front-end revenue cycle ducks in a row, we get integrated with Coding and the back-end of the revenue cycle.  One step forward, one step back, two steps to the side.

All for now.

I’ve been a bit busy the last two days running some random errands.  A few of them have prompted some thought.

1.  The only thing better than Altoids are Altoids covered in dark chocolate.  Mmmm.

2.  As I sit in the coffee shop organizing my notes, I’ve been observing a quartet of 16-year-olds, giddy from caffeine, talking about their love lives and calling people they “like” for heart-to-hearts about whether “the feeling is mutual.”  It’s been funny to watch, in a warm-fuzzy kind of way. 

3.  Went to the eye doctor yesterday for my annual exam and to order a new supply of contact lenses.  I really like this guy — he has a very easy demeanor (we spent half our time telling jokes) and is good on the “little things” like washing his hands before touching my eyes.  Anyway, my vision insurance plan is now requiring a new set of tests, including digital imaging of the back of both eyes, so the good doctor performed the tests and reviewed his findings with me.  One thing that was reassuring was that my eyes have excellent vascular health — he said that the early negative effects of hypertension and high cholesterol can often be seen in these types of tests.  His review makes me a bit more confident that the dietary excesses of most of my 20s might not haunt me as severely as I age, as I had expected.